Let me just let it all out

Assalamualaikum. Finally i had gathered all my strength to let it all out in this blog. My last update was on 30th April 2013, it has been quite a while since my last update. I'm sorry, it's not that i don't have the time to go on blogging or anything, it's just that i need some space and spend my time with my loved ones. I had been ignoring all the social network for about two weeks now. I'm sorry. It's not that i had changed, it's just that i am turning back into the old me. Seriously, i am not the type of girl who text all the time with friends. Don't push me please. That girl came out of nowhere due to the unstable emotion that i had during that time. I WASN'T THINKING AND OMG I WAS STUPID AND I WAS DESPERATE so that why. I am deeply sorry if i had hurt anybody's feeling. I didn't mean to hurt anyone and we did say that we are just friends right. I'm sorry. 

I have to admit that i am not that strong. Not strong at all actually. Being single before this was like a hell to me, i've been through a lot, like a lot a lottt. Many unexpected kind of behavior out there. I am beyond grateful to have my family especially my sister to tell me whats right and wrong. They guided me and yeah, protected me. Thank you. Right after what happened about a month ago, my confidence level goes BOOM fell deep down, i feel really ugly, i feel useless, i feel stupid, i feel like i am the worst girl there is. I kept asking myself over and over again like, what did i do wrong? how can i be perfect? how can i be appreciated? how can i improve myself? what did i ever do wrong? what are my flaws? how can i be sooo freaking stupid? i was blinded by fear. and of course many people out there made me feel better but people, be faithful if you already have a special someone doesn't matter lah girlfriend or "close" friend. Just so you know that i am quite a stalker and i know many things that you would be surprise that i do. I know how it feel to be cheated so don't, just don't. There are reasons for each and every single thing i did, do and will do. 

I am not that active on facebook, twitter and whatsapp anymore. I only update about anything on my instagram that i had linked with my facebook and twitter. As for whatsapp, i'm sorry, i only use it sometimes when my friends need me. she had been there for me so i need to be there for her. Moreover, if you look at my recent updates on twitter, instagram or facebook, i think you would understand. I have the right to be happy too, right? please? Tired of pretending to be happy for ages now. Finally, i am actually happy, for real. My blog is under renovation for which i had removed unnecessary photos and videos. In before, i had permanently deleted them from my laptop but then i remembered that there are still some on blog so i just had to remove it because i really need to move on! I'm sorry, i know some of you adviced me to just leave it but it's bothering me you know. Let the bygones be bygones. I took everything as a lesson. 

As for now, i think i am going to update my blog recently again! yay! am not going to change my blog url, it will be remain as 'erawr.blogspot.com'. but the title of my blog might change. ohmylife is sooo last year. Many many things had happened. I think i would do short updates about them because hey, it's the start a new beginning! Lastly, check out my instagram! http://instagram.com/fsyahirahaidi/

arrivederci~